I wanted to share Phil Lee’s very personal story because I thought it to be so moving and because it serves as a reminder of the powerful influence our words can have on others. Phil is my adoptive brother; he first joined the family when he and my brother Robert came home from school together and he has been part of our family ever since.
This is quite poignant to me since the tale he relates is one about my father.
A Man of Few Words – by Phil Lee
I thought I’d send you a little muse…
Ever heard the expression paralysis by analysis? how about the analysis of paralysis.. in other words, what stops people from doing what they must do – should do or is nice to do?
Lots of reasons…
In a far distant galaxy called”Archery Place” in the tropics of West Yorkshire (UK)
A young wannabe Jedi warrior called Phil Lee asked a Yoda-like father figure (Jeff) a question related to personal development and pursuing a full-time further education course in soft skills development… I was unemployed at the time having left the Army hugely disadvantaged in civilian experience and recognised qualifications… I could teach someone to pick off a target at 800 metres, to help them blend into their environment and disappear through effective camouflage and concealment or inspire a group to run over mountains but a real job?? not a prayer… it felt that way and I felt as though I should re-train.
The Yoda-esc response was impactful, life-changing and certainly thought-provoking…
“Just get a job” were his precious life-changing and impactful words…
Underwhelmed? I thought so…well let me explain why I labelled them so highly.
Some of us for many reasons seek answers to life’s challenges, to “things” that may appear clouded… others such as my stepfather understand what is important and won’t waffle, won’t hide, won’t twist words for some ulterior reason – no, my blunt as they come Yorkshire stepfather simply gave me an answer I wasn’t expecting and as such interrupted MY PATTERN.. my pattern for over analysing, for paralysing action… I looked into EVERYTHING for deeper answers/reasons/whatever I could find…
My step fathers response in short… “Get a job.”
I did get a job, but I also chose to seek and acquire answers in the process.
We can often “hear” answers to questions that we pose but do we really “understand” what is behind the words? the intent? the depth? the real learning.
As a coach I often work with people who have read all “the” self-improvement books, done the courses, and have a million saved websites on their toolbar for improving their lives… but have they “got their job?” or are they paralysing themselves with analysis, avoiding…?
Or.. as I like to say…
“Doing what MUST be done”
There are obvious arguments for and against learning soft skills full-time at College instead of acquiring a full-time job, but my stepfather knew the real issue at hand here, which for me was the avoidance of taking on the rejection issues around getting a job, (my self-esteem was low and I had many unsatisfied deeper held issues)
The self-worth issues in work and in earning a wage are often hidden and rarely mentioned but one truth I do know is that being employed means being valued and irrespective of salary creates some modicum of a platform upon which to build upon – I did, I started as a self-employed sales agent, promoted to marketing assistant, then to Branch and the Regional Manager and now running my own Business Consultancy all whilst acquiring the very skills I had yearned for – 3 Diplomas, a Service Sector Management Degree, Chartered Marketer status, a recognised teaching qualification and numerous NLP and other “self-development” courses…
I faced my demons, I did what MUST be done…
I know had I not had those wise words thrust in my direction at such a crucial period in my life I may very well have taken the easy route and missed out on one of the most important aspects of esteem building – working with and through others within a performance measured environment.
I listened to my stepfather, I understood what he was saying and I then
Did what “must be done”.
Towards the end of his life, Jeff struggled with 1:1 communication due to a serious stroke – however, I always saw and thought of him as a brilliant, wise and sincere man with massive integrity who never failed to deliver impactful and life directing advice whilst instilling belief…. one of my great teachers and a man of whom I will always be grateful to.
If you want to learn more about creating highly engaged teams or being a better leader click the link to make an appointment to talk about how I can help.